10 Years

Ten years ago today...it doesn't seem possible.  In some ways it seems like yesterday, and in others, it feels like decades.  What a horrific day!  When I think of what they went through that morning, I just have to shake my head and take a deep sigh! 

I have been dreading this landmark anniversary.  I began to write about it several times but I just had no words. I had thought about going to Missouri and visiting their graves.  However, my church has really been moving in the Holy Spirit at an accelerated level the past several weeks so there was no way I would miss church today.  Also, I was on the schedule to go to the jail this afternoon.  I certainly did not want to miss that either.

I was fine all morning, talking to people before church, just visiting.  The second song into the service was "See A Victory".  One line in the song that is based on Genesis 50:20 says, "You take what the enemy meant for evil and You turn it for good. You turn it for good."  This is repeated over and over again.  My tears started flowing.  

Sunday evening before Mom and Dad were killed early Monday morning, I taught at the jail. I talked about forgiveness and took them to Genesis 50:20 where Joseph was speaking to the brothers who had talked of killing him but instead sold him into slavery where he ended up imprisoned for 13 years through no fault of his own.  Here is what he had to say to them years later:

Genesis 50:20 (New Living Translation)

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people." 

When my brother, Dave, called me the next morning to tell me that Mom and Dad had been murdered, the very first thought I had was this will be a hard lesson in forgiveness.  A week later I quoted this same verse as I spoke at their funeral.  

I have stood on this verse ever since they died.  So this morning as my tears were flowing and I felt my chest heaving, I thought I was going to loose it.  I did my best not to break down totally and then the song was over.  We began singing Let It Rain.  As I stood there singing I felt God's peace and love cascade over me.  It was so powerful!  

As I was talking to my friend April after church.  She said she describes it as a soothing balm.  A major surgery left April with a huge scar.  As the scar healed and would hurt and itch so badly, she would rub in some balm to ease the pain and the itching.  That's exactly what it was like...a soothing balm.

I am so thankful to God for the gift of my Mom and Dad.  They were ordinary people with an extraordinary faith.  I am blessed to have grown up with the examples of faith that they lived out.  When they died, I asked the Lord for the mantle of healing that was on Dad.  When I talked to my brother Stephen just before the funeral, he said he had asked for a triple anointing.  When I complained that it wasn't fair that he should get so much more, Stephen responded, "Ask for 10 times the anointing.  There is no limit!"

How right Stephen is!  We serve a no limit God!  I will continue standing on the promise of God to bring good out of what was meant for evil.  I have seen good things but I am expecting so much more!

My friend, if you are going through rough times, I want you to know that I am praying the prayer of Paul over you.

Ephesians 3:16-20 (The Passion Translation)

And I pray that He would unveil within you the unlimited riches of His glory and favor until supernatural strength floods your innermost being with His divine might and explosive power.  

Then, by constantly using your faith, the life of Christ will be released deep inside you, and the resting place of His love will become the very source and root of your life.  Then you will be empowered to discover what every holy one experiences - the great magnitude of the astonishing love of Christ in all its dimensions.  How deeply intimate and far-reaching is His love! How enduring and inclusive it is! Endless love beyond measurement that transcends our understanding - this extravagant love pours into you until you are filled to overflowing with the fullness of God! 

Never doubt God's might power to work in you and accomplish all this.  He will achieve infinitely more than your greatest request, your most unbelievable dream, and exceed your wildest imagination! He will outdo them all, for His miraculous power constantly energizes you.

Yes, I can testify that He can and He will outdo them all!  What a glorious God we serve!

Dream

 I had the privilege of meeting a wonderful young Ethiopian family recently. This beautiful young couple and their 2 boys have been looking for a home with me.  The first day I met them, the wife hooked her arm into mine and said, "You are my mother." To say I was thrilled is an understatement! I love this young family and we have adopted each other.

We have been looking at a home on some beautiful acreage.  This afternoon we walked the property and talked about all the pros and cons.  Their oldest son, Ethan, was having a ball just playing outside, climbing a tree, looking for rabbits in the rabbit holes, etc. 

After we had looked at absolutely everything, his mom and little brother had gotten into the car but his dad was taking one last look around the house.  As Ethan and I walked over to him, Ethan said to me, "Do you know why I like to be outside?"

"No" I answered.  "Why?" 

"Because, when I'm outside I can dream."

Wow!  What a profound statement from an incredible young boy!  Of course, this vast creation frees us to dream!  After all, it was created by the biggest dreamer ever, our heavenly Father!  

It makes me think of all the times I have sat and watched a sunset...and dreamed.

Or sat on a beach and watched the waves rolling in...and dreamed.

Of times taking in the grandeur of the mountains...and dreamed.

Staring at the chasm of the Grand Canyon...and dreamed.

Riding on the sailboat with my Dad and the dolphins swimming alongside us...and dreamed.

As a kid, wading along the beach on Guam before the tide rolled in with my family, picking up shells...and dreamed.

Sitting in the tree house my brothers and I built...and dreamed.

This Labor Day weekend is in the middle of my Dad's birthday and my parents wedding anniversary so, of course, they have been on my mind.  I am so grateful that they raised us with a huge dose of outdoor fun.  Camping trips.  Weekends at the lake. Living in the country with horses to ride and woods to explore. Traveling across the country and taking in so much of God's exquisite creation.  Crossing the Pacific by cargo ship and watching the stars at night with absolutely no "light pollution" to dim the view. Even the simple wonder of planting a seed and watching it grow. 

I want to challenge you this long weekend to put down your electronic devices, get outside and take your family with you.  Enjoy the outdoors. 

And dream.

Psalm 19:1 The Passion Translation

"God's splendor is a tale that is told; His testament is written in the stars. Space it self speaks his story every day through the marvels of the heavens. His truth is on tour in the starry vault of the sky showing his skill in creation's craftsmanship."

Colossians 1:15-17 New Living Translation

"Christ is the visible image of the invisible God.  He existed before anything was created and is supreme over all creation, for through him God created everything in the heavenly realms and on earth. He made the things we can see and the things we can't see-such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers, and authorities in the unseen world. Everything was created through him and for him. He existed before anything else, and he holds all creation together."

Look Up!

Who ever thought we would be living through a pandemic?!  I have to admit, it was never on my radar.  It certainly has been a very trying time. I never have been afraid of the virus itself but I have wavered between being fearful of the future and being confident in my Lord.

When I keep my eyes on things around me, I become fearful.  What if my business doesn't come back after my state reopens? What if my local economy plummets?  What if my church can't meet again for a long time?  What if my state declares bankruptcy?  The questions don't stop!  So many "what ifs"! 

As I have been feeding my fish I've noticed that one angel fish will always look to the bottom of the tank for food as the flakes sink into the water.  The problem is there are so many other fish swimming closer to the top that they are getting the food before it makes it down to the angel fish.  I found myself thinking, "If only you would look up to the source instead of focusing on the few pieces at the bottom."  After all, the fish is an excellent swimmer.  It can certainly swim up as it often does most any other time.

One day as I was mentally screaming at this silly fish to look to look up...look to the source...I heard the Lord say, "Why don't you look up? Why don't you look to your source?"  Good question, Lord!

After all, I love Matthew 6 where Jesus talks about not worrying about the things of this world.  What if we don't have enough to eat? What if we don't have good clothes to wear?  Instead, Jesus implores us to chase after the Kingdom of God first.  When we put Him first in all we do, all these other things will be given to us.  Why wasn't I doing that?  After all, didn't I trust God as my source?

I was reminded of David as he sang in the Psalms:

Psalm 121:1-2 (The Passion Translation)

I look up to the mountains and hills, longing for God's help.  But then I realize that our true help and protection come only from the Lord, our Creator who made the heavens and the earth.

Sometimes we just have to remind ourselves that God truly is our help and protection. 

Jesus Himself gave us a wonderful example of this as He prepared to feed 5000 families with a little boy's sack lunch. 

Matthew 14:19 (The Passion Translation)

Then He had everyone sit down on the grass as He took the five loaves and two fish.  He looked up into heaven, gave thanks to God, and broke the bread into pieces.  He then gave it to His disciples, who in turn gave it to the crowds.

Take a few minutes to read through Psalm 121.  It's a short chapter that will encourage you!  If you're like me and you find yourself running all the "what ifs" through your head, just stop, look up, and give thanks to God.  He is all you need. He is your source.

Good Gifts

Last summer I was at my daughter, Sarah's home.  Her 7 year old son, Jayden had come home from playing at the neighbor's home with very muddy shoes.  He was in big trouble!  As he and I worked to clean up his shoes, I thought I should get him some rubber boots for his upcoming birthday.

Normally, this would not be a difficult thing to do. However, Jayden wears a mens size 5 shoe.  I thought I could go ahead and get a size 6 so it might fit him more that a couple of months.  As his birthday was approaching, I went to a local sporting goods mega store.  They had all kinds of rubber boots but the only ones in a mens size 6 were over $100.  Now, I love my grandson but come on. He will be lucky to wear these for six months before outgrowing them.  There was no way I was going to spend that kind of money for some rubber boots.  I found the same problem at the only other large sporting goods store in town.

No problem, I thought.  I will just order them online.  There were a few books that he wanted as well so I ordered the books and the boots in plenty of time for them to arrive via Amazon.  I am not an Amazon Prime member so there was no next day delivery.  I had plenty of time and even though it said delivery in 8-10 days, orders always came in much sooner than predicted.  Even if it took the entire time it would not be a problem to have them before I would be making the 90 mile drive for his birthday party.  No worries.  One click of the button and my order was off.

I waited and checked on the order.  Within a day or two, one book shipped.  Finally another book shipped.  The boots had not shipped yet.  The weekend came.  Nothing else shipped.  Monday was Labor Day.  Tuesday the last book shipped.  His birthday was Saturday.  I was speaking at a women's conference Saturday morning and then driving straight from there to their home for the party that would already be in progress.  I had to have it by Friday night in order to take it with me on Saturday.

I was praying, "Lord, let it come in time!"  "Lord, let it ship today!"  Every day I was praying and it was not shipping!  Why had I not had it shipped to their house?  Why had it not shipped yet?  I was agonizing over rubber boots!  I did not want to go with just the books, even though he had told me exactly which ones he wanted.  Let's face it, when you are turning 8 years old, books are just not that exciting!

Finally on Wednesday when I checked the progress of the order it showed that the boots had shipped but it did not show an expected arrival date.  Why not?  It always gave you an expected arrival date!  On Thursday, the last book that had shipped on Tuesday was supposed to arrive.  It did not.  When I checked on the boots, it just said they had left the originating facility.

Now I was really stressed about this!  I did not want Jayden to think I had not planned ahead for his birthday or that I had not thought about him.  I had put a lot of thought into these crazy rubber boots but they still weren't here!  I kept praying they would make it in time.

On Friday morning, the tracking said it had arrived in Springfield and been sent to USPS for delivery.  That is what the book had said the day before but it still had not shown up.  Would the boots make it?

I got home from work about 9:00 Friday night.  The boots and the last book were there!  I got his gift wrapped and ready for the party the next day.  Big relief!  As I prayed and thanked God, He said to me, "Do you think you love Jayden more than I do?"  No, of course I don't!  As much as I love all my kids and grand kids, it could never come close to the love that God has for them!

Then God said to me, "Do you think I love you less than I love Jayden?"  I knew the answer was another no.  In my mind, I know God loves me but I struggle thinking that God has good gifts for me.  That He will take care of me and provide for me is hard for me to accept.  I don't feel worthy of His love and provision.  Then He brought this Scripture to mind:

Matthew 7:11 (New Living Translation)

"So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him."

What a comfort to know that we have a heavenly Father who loves us more than we could ever fathom!  He will give good gifts to us.  We only have to ask Him!

1 John 3:1 (The Passion Translation)

"Look with wonder at the depth of the Father's marvelous love that He has lavished on us! He has called us and made us His very own beloved children.  The reason the world doesn't recognize who we are is that they didn't recognize Him."

My prayer for you is that you do recognize Him and know how great is His love for you!

Oh, and the boots?  Jayden patiently waited for everyone to leave, slipped on his boots and ran down the street to his friends house to play in the muddy creek out back.

Jess

I am not sure where I should start in telling you about Jess.  She is an amazing young lady that I met through my part time job at the hospital.  She is spunky, smart, and full of life. I absolutely adore her!  Even though she no longer works at the hospital, we have stayed in touch.

A couple of months ago she had a seizure.  It happened in the middle of the night while she was sleeping.  Her mom found her.  It was the beginning of a scary journey for Jess.  The doctors ordered an MRI.  Right after the MRI was done, I found out what was going on.  God told me I needed to pray over her.

I picked her up and we went to my dear friend, Marline's home.  (Marline knew her from the hospital, too).  I put some praise music on, read some Scriptures and we started praying.  I anointed Jess with oil and kept praying.  Marline, full of the Holy Spirit, burst out into song.  I've known Marline for over 30 years and have never heard her do that before.  She told me later, it was a first for her!

As we prayed, I just knew Jess had been healed.  I dropped her off at the doctors appointment where she would get the results of the MRI that had already been done.  I told her to take what the doctors said with a grain of salt because that MRI had been done before we prayed.

The doctors told her that she had brain tumors.  It was the beginning of Multiple Sclerosis.  The tumor at the front of her brain was causing pressure and they might need to operate.  They needed to do another, more detailed MRI.

I kept hoping and praying that her healing was already complete.  I had the thought several times, what if she is not healed? Then I became afraid that she would not be healed because I had concerns and doubts.  God quickly squelched that for me.  He clearly said that He asks us to partner with Him in prayer and to believe but when our faith waivers all we need to do is ask Him to help us in our unbelief.  He was not waiting for me to mess up and cancel the healing!  I had been obedient in praying for her as He had told me. I quickly said, "Lord, help my unbelief!"

Jess had the next MRI done.  A few days later she went for the results.  The doctors had no idea what had happened.  The tumors were no longer being referred to as tumors. They said they were lesions.  Her doctors could not explain it but the lesions were shrinking!

The pictures speak for themselves.  The one on the left was before.  The right is after.  The white spots were the tumors. 

Praise God!  He still heals today! I just know that if they do another MRI, there will be no lesions at all.  Jess was healed because of what Jesus did at the cross.  He defeated death and when we believe we too, have that same power!  We just have to declare it!

My pastor, Pastor Mac Dalton, preached a wonderful sermon on that this past Sunday (September 22nd).  As we walk in His power, we are spreading His Good News! You can hear the sermon here:

https://vimeo.com/radiantspringfield

We are His church! We are the Church Triumphant!    It is up to us to declare what He has promised.  We cannot ever think that miracles happen because of us.  It is all Jesus! But miracles do happen when we respond in obedience to God's voice and partner with Him.  When God nudges you to speak up, speak! When He nudges you to pray for someone, pray!  Even if it feels awkward, just do it.  You will be glad you did! And the Jess's of this world will be glad, too!

My prayer for you is that reading this will increase your faith.  We can all be water walkers!  The same power that raised Jesus from the dead lives in you!  I reiterate the Apostle Paul's prayer:

Ephesians 1: 19-20 (The Passion Translation)

I pray that you will continually experience the immeasurable greatness of God's power made available to you through faith.  Then your lives will be an advertisement of this immense power as it works through you! This is the mighty power that was released when God raised Christ from the dead and exalted him to the place of highest honor and supreme authority in the heavenly realm!

Please say a prayer for Jess and her complete healing then go out and be a walking billboard for the power of God!  There are many other Jess' out there who need you!

13

My husband, Chris Fedor, was born on Friday, July 13, 1954.  He always maintained that 13 was his lucky number.  If the 13th fell on a Friday, he knew that would be a good day for him.

His death occurred 13 years ago today on March 13th, 2006.  It was a Monday. I have often had the thought that it was not a lucky day for him but now that I have had 13 years to think about it, I realize it was a good day for him.  It was the day he was finally free from his pain.

His childhood had been extremely traumatic.  I had no idea how bad it was until after we had been married for over 20 years when he finally told me some of the things that had happened to him as a little boy.  I was in shock.  I had no idea how bad it had been.

Most people who knew Chris thought he was mean and tough.  That was his exterior.  It was his protection.  Inside was a little boy who was hurting.  His death was ruled a suicide because he had written many suicide notes over the years.  I think when he took all those pills that night, he just wanted to be free from the pain he felt.  Trust me I am not condoning suicide.  It IS NOT the answer!  If you have experienced trauma and don't know where to turn, GET HELP! Know that you are NOT ALONE!

I urge you, if you are feeling suicidal, reach out! The National Suicide Hotline -  Call 1-800-273-8255

Lately, I have felt the presence of Chris in ways I have not felt it before.  I especially feel it when I'm praying for Danielle Loftus. (If you don't know about Danielle, please visit www.prayforDanielle.com and add her to your prayer list!)  She, too, was born on the 13th.  Is there a bond between them because of that?  Is it because she suffered traumatically as a young girl?  Her trauma was a physical brain injury.  Chris suffered an emotional brain injury.  His trauma was not evident to the world as Danielle's is.  He could still walk, talk, and function.  But he was broken nonetheless. He was a very meticulous and gifted mechanic.  There was nothing that he could not fix except himself.

I do not wish to share his trauma as it is very personal.  I don't think he would want people to know the specifics and, obviously, I can't ask for his permission.  Just know that when you encounter someone you feel is harsh or mean, you need to say a prayer for them.  You have no idea what they may be carrying around inside.

No matter what you've been through, there are others who have survived and even thrived after having suffered in a similar way!  God has a plan and a purpose for your life.  He will use your trauma to help others!

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (The Passion Translation)

All praises belong to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  For he is the Father of tender mercy and the God of endless comfort.  He always comes alongside us to comfort us in every suffering so that we can come alongside those who are in any painful trial.  We can bring them this same comfort that God has poured out upon us.

In my ministry at the jail, I see many who have suffered as children at the hands of those who were supposed to love and protect them.  It has such a negative affect on their lives but when they turn those troubles over to God, He will take them and turn them into a positive!

Genesis 50:20 (New Living Translation)

You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.

Let God take the evil that others used to harm you and turn it around for good!

Provision

This blog has been very hard for me to write.  It's embarrassing and humiliating.  But my son has encouraged me to write it because it certainly is a wonderful testimony of God's faithfulness! 

The past 11 months have been the hardest months I have ever endured in my life.  The loss has been immense.  My grief has surpassed anything I could ever have imagined.  In the midst of all I've been going through, I have struggled with work.  This is not a good thing when you're self-employed.  The expenses keep coming whether I'm producing or not.  The long, cold winter did not help in real estate at all either.  I have struggled financially the past few months.  I am behind on my mortgage and the pressure I feel is real.

Last week, I had a payment that I had forgotten about hit my checking account.  That payment put me at -$9.63 in my checking account.  I had $1 in cash.  That's pretty sad.  I was not sure what to do.  I knew I could call quite a few people and ask for $10 to put into my account to avoid overdraft charges but what did God want me to do? I started praying.

God clearly told me to call a young woman I had gotten to know through my Bible study at the jail.  I'm so proud of her.  She's been clean and sober for just over 7 months now.  She's really working hard to keep her life on track.  I said, "Lord, I can't ask her.  She's working so hard to get fines paid, get her license back, etc."  God answered with, "Ask her for the $10 but she will give you $50."  I argued with the Lord again.  I just couldn't stand the thought that she would give me $50!  But God said, "If you don't ask her you will rob her of a blessing."

I called her up and explained what had happened.  Without any delay, she said, "I'll just give you $50. You have done so much for me over the years.  It's the least I can do!"  I told her what God had told me.  As we both cried, I said, "Do you realize you did not hesitate one iota?  You are hearing so clearly and quickly from God! I'm so proud of you! I know God will bless you for helping me!"

A couple of hours later, I had a call from a young man from Sri Lanka that I have helped some over the years as well.  We have adopted each other.  He calls me Mama.  He was calling to tell me he was giving me $100. God had spoken to him about helping me.  Whew, now I had a bit of cushion in my account.

Late that afternoon, I was driving to look at some homes, singing and praising the Lord as I drove when one of my sensor lights came on.  Noooo....this can't be!  I immediately began praying for my van, for guidance and wisdom.  I called my auto repair place - Ruggless Auto here in Springfield.  They are such a blessing to me.  From what I told Marcy, she thought it was my alternator.  I knew if it was, it would not be cheap.  We made plans for me to drop the van off the next morning.

All night I prayed that it was just a fluke and would turn out to be nothing.  I dropped off the van and they gave me a ride to my Bible Study Fellowship leader's meeting.  While there, Marcy texted me and said it was the alternator. Since I also needed an oil change, it would be close to $500. 

My bubble was burst.  Now what?  I got a ride from one of the ladies to pick up the van.  Of course, Ruggless is so good to me that they let me drive off without paying.  They trusted me to pay when I could.  Having just learned the lesson about praising no matter what (see my last blog post entitled "Worship"), I cranked up some praise music and began thanking and praising God for Ruggless.  Who will fix your car and let you just drive away without giving them a dime?  I knew that somehow, someway, God would provide.  

The next day was Bible Study Fellowship class day.  After class, one of the other leaders came up to me and gave me a beautiful envelope.  She said last weekend God had told her she needed to give me some money.  She apologized that she did not bring it to leader's meeting the day before. She said she did not want me to use her name if I told anyone about this and she never wanted us to talk about it again.  She said the amount God told her to give me was $500.  Really?  $500? And God told her that the weekend before?  Only God!

I drove over to Ruggless, showed Marcy the envelope and pulled out the cash.  Marcy's jaw dropped.  I told her what had happened.  "Who does that?" she said.  I answered, "That's my God!"

Isaiah 65:24 (The Passion Translation)

"Before they even call out to me, I will answer them, before they've finished telling me what they need, I'll have already heard."

Isn't that just like God?  Before I had prayed, God already had His answer on the way.  I wonder if things would have gone differently if I had not had an attitude of praise.  Thankfully, I did not have to find that out!  Thank you, Lord, for teaching me and then reminding me of what you have taught me!

John 14:26 (The Passion Translation)

"But when the Father sends the Spirit of Holiness, the One like me who sets you free, he will teach you all things in my name. And he will inspire you to remember every word that I've told you."

Thank you, Father, that you provide all I need, both material and spiritual!  You are a good, good Father!  I desire to be in Your perfect will for me!

Psalms 37:4 (The Passion Translation)

Make God the utmost delight and pleasure of your life, and he will provide for you what you desire the most.