Last week I attended the General Baptist Summit in Evansville, IN. So many memories, all of them good, flooded my mind and my conversations with many old friends. Not just my friends but friends of Mom and Dad as well. I love going and reconnecting.
Howell General Baptist Church, the very first General Baptist church, had a dinner at the church one evening during the convention. I went and also took a tour of the historical church building. It was beautiful! The church had prepared a booklet telling about the church and it's history. As I tucked the booklet away the thought hit my mind that I could not wait to share it with Mom. Almost as soon as the thought entered my mind the realization that I would never share another thing with her here on this earth hit me, and it hit hard. I was able to reign the cascading thoughts in and push them away from my mind with all the activity and things going on at that moment. But I did wonder how I could have had the thought of sharing with Mom in the first place. After all, almost everyone I had talked to just that day mentioned how much they missed them. I knew full well both of them were gone. How could this thought have leaked into my mind? I have to admit, it is not the first time something like this has happened to me. When will these thoughts stop?
After I came home and was unpacking, I came across the booklet again. I was powerless to stop the flood of grief that filled my soul. I did not fight it. What good would it do? Allowing myself to mourn all over again was better (and I might add, easier!) than trying to convince myself that it was silly to be in such anguish so long after they had died. I expect that this will happen even 20 years from now.
I have not studied grief like my cousin, Deborah Braboy who has a doctorate degree in psychiatry with an empasis on grief counseling but I am learning from my experiences. If you were to ask me about how long it will take or how to control your emotions as you deal with the loss of someone you love, I can only say it will take as long as it takes and just allow yourself to feel the loss when it strikes you. Cry when you must, ache for them when you feel the emptiness, and know that every time you do that, you are respecting their memory, their very lives. It is okay. You will survive. You will always miss them. Some days will be easier than others.
Now, mind you, I do not wallow in despair and depression crying every day. That would not honor Mom and Dad. They would want me to live my life to the full and enjoy my family, my work, and my ministry. After all, the joy of the Lord is my strength! If your life is put on hold or you are living in depression every day as you deal with grief, then by all means, get help! Go to a godly counselor! Living stuck in grief dishonors the very life you lament.
The beauty in my parents case is that I know I will see them again! "Hallelujah!" was the last communication I had from Mom through a text. Hallelujah, indeed! I look foward to the day I see them again but in the meantime, my life goes on. God still has a work for me to do here on earth. As my Dad would say, if you're still breathing, then God still has good things for you to do!
Consider these Scriptures:
Ephesians 2:10 (NLT) For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.
Ecclesiastes 3: 10-11 (NLT) I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end.
I do not know the outcome. Why Mom and Dad were murdered. Why bad things happen to good people. But I do know that I trust God. Even here in this fallen, broken world, I know that God has a plan and He is in control. Take comfort in that fact.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 (NLT)
For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
Father, I pray for all who are reading this post. Bring comfort to their souls. If they do not have a relationship with You, I pray You will reveal Yourself to them. Oh, that they would surrender thier life to You. Teach them to live without fear. Bring them to a place of sweet trust in You and who they are in You. In Jesus' name, I pray, Amen.
Yes, cry if you must but then wipe away your tears and dance.