Nina

I had the great honor and pleasure to sit and talk with an extraordinary young woman named Nina (pronounced with a long "i" - nine-na).  Nina had used precious vacation time to attend every single day of Mom and Dad's trial.  At least one of her parents attended all of the hearings leading up to the trial and Nina had attended hearings when she could.

I spoke with her briefly during the trial but did not have an opportunity for a longer conversation.  You see, she had been married to Jose, the man convicted of killing Mom and Dad.  She had two precious children with him.  And she was deathly afraid of him.  He had become abusive toward her even while she was still pregnant.  But it was not until he threatened the life of their young son that she knew she had to leave him.  She said she could take the beatings he had for her but she could never stand for him to be abusive to their children.

I had felt for many months that I needed to sit and talk to her face to face.  I knew God was placing this on my heart.  I thought it was because I needed to know more about Jose.  The only problem was she lived in Springfield, MO and I was in Springfield, IL.  A long five hour drive separated us.  I could not seem to find time to make the trip and so finally decided to just set time aside and come.

I contacted Nina and she was very open to meeting with me.  She said, "Name the time and the place and I will be there." Wow!  She is a single mom of two children who works nights.  Her response was amazing to me!  We decided to meet at a Starbucks and although I arrived a few minutes early, she was already there.

She was very open and honest with me.  She did not balk at any of my questions.  As we talked I realized I did not need to know more about Jose.  I needed to know more about Nina.  Although I did learn a lot of things about Jose that I had wondered about, I learned much more about Nina and what an extraordinary young woman and mother she was.

Even though she never had the pleasure of meeting Mom and Dad, she was forever affected by their deaths.  Through tears, she told me she somehow felt responsible for their deaths.  If only she had been able to help Jose...  If only...  I have had a lot of "if only" thoughts, too.  I had to share a bit of my story with Nina and I hope it helps her to know that we are only responsible for ourselves.  It was not Nina's job to help Jose.  She could not fix him.  She did what she had to do to protect her children.  That was enough.

Nina was contacted by reporters throughout the whole ordeal after Jose was arrested for Mom and Dad's murders.  She refused to speak with them saying it was not her story to tell, it was our story.  But our stories intersect.  Yes, her story is different from mine but it touches mine.  She does have a story to tell.

I know she is struggling with life and facing many problems as a single mother doing her best to provide for their needs.  She is diving head long into all her issues and handling them in the best way she can.  She deeply loves her children and will do anything for them.  I encourage her to tell her story because her story will help someone else just as my story helps others. 

And the same is true of your story!

This, after all, is what Paul was talking about in his second letter to the Corinthians.

2 Corinthians 1:4 (The Passion Translation)

He always comes alongside us to comfort us in every suffering so that we can come alongside those who are in any painful trial.  We can bring them this same comfort that God has poured out upon us.

We can all know that our suffering has a purpose!  Does that not thrill your soul?  We all have suffering but what will you do with yours?  Will you try to hide it?  Will you wallow in self-pity?  Or will you give it to God and allow him to use it for His glory?  To help someone else who is suffering in the same way that you have suffered? 

Will you have the courage to tell your story?

I just have to end with the Scripture that has been on my heart since my brother, Dave called to tell me Mom and Dad had been murdered seven years ago.

Genesis 50:20 (New Living Translation)

You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good.  He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.

Satan thought he had the last laugh when Mom and Dad lie dead on the floor of their own home but, no, God had an even greater purpose!!  God is using it all for good!  He is saving the lives of many people.

If you remember from earlier posts, Mom's last word to me was simply this:

Hallelujah!

Hallelujah, indeed, Mom!!

Anniversary

I am in Missouri visiting my brother, Dave.  While here, I wanted to visit Mom & Dad's grave site since I will be leaving on the 24th.  April 25th is the 7th anniversary of their deaths. 

It was pouring down rain all morning - since at least 5 a.m. when I first heard it raining.  It reminded me of the week of their deaths.  It was raining so hard on April 25th, 2011 that police dogs could not get a scent.  The day of the funeral a week later it was still raining.  On Easter Sunday, April 24th, 2011, I tried to get Mom and Dad to wait until Monday to drive home but Dad wanted to get home before the predicted rains began.

After Dave, Susie and I went to church and then brunch at Mama Jeans, I went out to the cemetery to put some flowers on their graves...in the pouring rain.  First I ran into Price Cutters to get some flowers.  As I was picking out some flowers the thought struck me that Mom would have preferred that I would get flowers for her sister and best friend, my Aunt Sis rather than putting flowers at the grave site.  I made a mental note to be sure and order some flowers for Aunt Sis for Mother's Day but proceeded to purchase the flowers that I thought both Mom and Dad would like.  At the checkout the clerk said, "What pretty flowers on such a dreary day.  Is it a special occasion?"  I responded, "Yes it is," without any further explanation.

I drove to the veteran's cemetery on the south side of town as the rain continued to pelt the earth but as soon as I pulled up to section K, the rain stopped.  I got out and went to the grave, arranged the flowers and took pictures, as I do every time I take flowers there.  I cried a few tears even though I know they are in a much better place but I just miss them so much.  After a bit I made my way back to the car and pulled off.  Then it began raining again.  It rained the rest of the day.

I know God stopped the rain for me today.  It's not a big deal...I would have still done what I did had it continued to rain...but He did that for me.  That's the kind of God I serve.  One who cares about the smallest details.  That is just how He loves us.

1 John 4:16 (a) The Passion Translation

We have come into an intimate experience with God's love, and we trust in the love he has for us.  God is love!

I know I can trust Him and His love for me.  The rain stopping was a little thing but it spoke volumes to me today.  But I can only love Him because He first loved me!

1 John 4:19 English Standard Version

We love because He first loved us.  

Thank you, Lord, for loving me while I was yet a sinner!  Thank you for showing your love for me each and every day!  Help me to show Your love to others in the same way.

Another Easter

Even though it was not on the anniversary of Mom and Dad's death again this year, Easter is still a hard time for me.  Easter was the last time I saw Mom & Dad, spent time with them, worshipped with them, prayed with them, and talked to them.  It was a wonderful visit and I am so grateful I had those days with them just before they left their earthly bodies but it has left every Easter since then bittersweet for me.

Even though their deaths weigh more heavily on me during the month of April the truth is, I miss them everyday and I suppose I always will.  This year marks 7 years since their passing.  I know they are in a much better place but I am not.  I look forward to the day I will see them again.  What joy that knowledge brings to me!

Ironically, it is because of Easter that I know that day is coming.  So I strive to focus on that fact and rejoice that my Savior lives.  Yes, Jesus died a cruel death after being tortured and ridiculed.  He bore all my sins and yours, too.  He was separated from His Father for the first time ever.  He lay in the grave physically dead seemingly and defeated.  But then came Sunday...

One of my favorite "Easter" hymns growing up was Christ Arose.  I love how after talking about "low in the grave He lay..." the music builds and then comes "Up from the grave He arose, with a mighty triumph o'er His foes, He arose a Victor from the dark domain, And He lives forever, with His saints to reign.  He arose! He arose! Hallelujah! Christ arose!"

By the end the music is at a crescendo.  It always gives me goose bumps to consider Jesus' victory over death!

My ladies Bible study group just began a new study called, Goliath Must Fall by Louis Giglio.  Tonight we considered that truly satan is dead.  Jesus defeated him and we know how it ends, with satan's eternal death.  We do not need to fear him or his demons...ever!  Jesus gave us all authority over him.  It IS finished!

Romans 8:38-29 (The Passion Translation)

So now I live with the confidence that there is nothing in the universe with the power to separate us from God's love.  I'm convinced that his love will triumph over death, life's troubles, fallen angels, or dark rulers in the heavens.  There is nothing in our present or future circumstances that can weaken his love.  There is no power above us or beneath us - no power that could ever be found in the universe that can distance us from God's passionate love, which is lavished upon us through our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One! 

Hallelujah!  Christ arose!