13

My husband, Chris Fedor, was born on Friday, July 13, 1954.  He always maintained that 13 was his lucky number.  If the 13th fell on a Friday, he knew that would be a good day for him.

His death occurred 13 years ago today on March 13th, 2006.  It was a Monday. I have often had the thought that it was not a lucky day for him but now that I have had 13 years to think about it, I realize it was a good day for him.  It was the day he was finally free from his pain.

His childhood had been extremely traumatic.  I had no idea how bad it was until after we had been married for over 20 years when he finally told me some of the things that had happened to him as a little boy.  I was in shock.  I had no idea how bad it had been.

Most people who knew Chris thought he was mean and tough.  That was his exterior.  It was his protection.  Inside was a little boy who was hurting.  His death was ruled a suicide because he had written many suicide notes over the years.  I think when he took all those pills that night, he just wanted to be free from the pain he felt.  Trust me I am not condoning suicide.  It IS NOT the answer!  If you have experienced trauma and don't know where to turn, GET HELP! Know that you are NOT ALONE!

I urge you, if you are feeling suicidal, reach out! The National Suicide Hotline -  Call 1-800-273-8255

Lately, I have felt the presence of Chris in ways I have not felt it before.  I especially feel it when I'm praying for Danielle Loftus. (If you don't know about Danielle, please visit www.prayforDanielle.com and add her to your prayer list!)  She, too, was born on the 13th.  Is there a bond between them because of that?  Is it because she suffered traumatically as a young girl?  Her trauma was a physical brain injury.  Chris suffered an emotional brain injury.  His trauma was not evident to the world as Danielle's is.  He could still walk, talk, and function.  But he was broken nonetheless. He was a very meticulous and gifted mechanic.  There was nothing that he could not fix except himself.

I do not wish to share his trauma as it is very personal.  I don't think he would want people to know the specifics and, obviously, I can't ask for his permission.  Just know that when you encounter someone you feel is harsh or mean, you need to say a prayer for them.  You have no idea what they may be carrying around inside.

No matter what you've been through, there are others who have survived and even thrived after having suffered in a similar way!  God has a plan and a purpose for your life.  He will use your trauma to help others!

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (The Passion Translation)

All praises belong to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  For he is the Father of tender mercy and the God of endless comfort.  He always comes alongside us to comfort us in every suffering so that we can come alongside those who are in any painful trial.  We can bring them this same comfort that God has poured out upon us.

In my ministry at the jail, I see many who have suffered as children at the hands of those who were supposed to love and protect them.  It has such a negative affect on their lives but when they turn those troubles over to God, He will take them and turn them into a positive!

Genesis 50:20 (New Living Translation)

You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.

Let God take the evil that others used to harm you and turn it around for good!