At the top, she had written:
SHOW me your ways...Psalm 25:4
God is Sovereign
Nothing can touch me except what God allows in order to accomplish His purpose for me.
(Caps and underline were Mom's)
What comfort to know that nothing could touch them except what God would allow and it had a purpose! Just what is God trying to accomplish? I'm still mulling that one over. I'm certain it will be years before we will see all the ways God is bringing good out of this tragedy.
Some of my daughter's friends were upset when their small group decided to take the summer off. They didn't want to quit studying their Bible together so I offered to purchase the Beth Moore DVD set on the book of Revelation if they would commit to tackling such a tough subject. What a blessing this has been! This week we were studying Revelation 11. Beth ended the lesson tonight adamantly stating that no faithful witness of God can be taken one moment before their witness is complete. I felt God was saying that directly to me as a salve to my aching soul. Although I certainly miss my parents, I know their work here was done. Otherwise, they would still be here! While I know God didn't send someone to kill them, He did allow it. His angels had faithfully protected them throughout their entire lives. This time, they were held back.
I've read and re-read many of Mom & Dads notes in the months since they were killed. When I was looking at this one again today it struck me as funny. Mom would always say, "I'm not a hill-billy. I'm a swamp lily." She was born and raised in Missouri whose motto is "The Show-Me State" and here she was asking God to "show me". But at age 79 Mom had lived as a missionary, a pastor's wife, a church planter, a Bible teacher, a mission group leader, a speaker at many conferences - well, you get the idea. Didn't she already know God's ways? Why was she asking God to show her? She had then jotted:
"Show ME your ways..."
God says to me: God will instruct ME IF: I humble myself.
"He guides the humble in what is right..." Psalm 25:9 (caps were Mom's)
Why would my meek, sweet mother need to think about humbling herself? Did she really need more instruction from God? Didn't she already know the way that is right? Why did she need God to guide her? It dawned on me. Mom was a "quester"! She was actively seeking to know God more fully. To follow His ways. To humble herself before Him. She wasn't satisfied with a lifetime of study, prayer, and obedience. She was still very much in the race and pressing on toward the finish line.
What are your ways, Lord? Why did you allow Mom & Dad to be killed in such a violent way? I know you have a plan. Will you show me? IF I humble myself? Hmm...
At the end of the page Mom had written:
"Show me YOUR WAYS..."
Proverbs 14:12 - Am I willing to let go of my misconceptions & my ways? (Caps were Mom's)
Good question for me! Oh Lord, that I would let go of my misconceptions and my ways!
Show me Your ways!